Chap calls me. Very politically active chap. Known each other for half a century. Conversation goes like this:
“Big Red Car, are you crushed — the election results?”
I play along because he didn’t call to discuss the election. This, I know.
“Flattened. Broken into a thousand, sharp-edged pieces. You?”
In reality, I have not even suffered a flesh wound, but I can be hyperbolic when the situation calls for it.
“Terrible,” he says, his voice laden with unimaginable angst. “I haven’t slept.”
“Look, take care of yourself. What’s the action plan?”
“Well, I was thinking about putting together a resistance movement, something to channel all our hurt feelings.”
“What would that look like?” I ask.
“Riot, maybe?” he asks, warming to the task. “Looting, arson, property damage, burn a few cop cars, spritz of violence, calls for more violence. Calls for immediate impeachment. Filet and dissect Hunter. Few op-eds in the New York Times. The usual stuff.”
“What has been the reception amongst our tribe to your idea thus far?” I ask.
“Stone cold silence. Can’t get a fourth for bridge, let alone a group sufficient for a damn riot. One guy tells me that our kind don’t riot. Ever heard such nonsense? I can count on you, right?”
I wait for few seconds to think, rub the bridge of my nose slowly, take a few cleansing breaths.
“Actually, old pal, count me out.”
“You’re mad. No riot?”
“Sadly, no. No riot.”
“No call for Joe Biden’s immediate impeachment?”
“Bad form to call for a chap’s impeachment before he’s even been inaugurated. Seems a little cart before the horse, no?”
“Fair play. Last time they did wait twenty minutes after inauguration to call for this Orange Man’s impeachment.”
“Yes, they did. Very sporting of them.”
“Hunter Biden investigation and removal from office?”
“No. Let the DOJ deal with that.”
“Can I at the very least count on you for 1,000 words of your most excellent inflammatory prose?”
“No. No prose. Sorry.”
“My God, Big Red Car, WTF are you going to do?”
“Interesting you ask. I had a few thoughts. Share them?”
So, I told him the following: